Tom "The DUI King" Daly and the Belleville Law firm of Daley, Sheafor and Roustio, allow us to present to you this week's edition of Idiocy Under Arrest, which strives to shine a spotlight on people throughout the sports world that could use some solid legal counsel.
Defendant:
Kane Johnson, captain of the Richmond Rugby team
Victim:
St. Kilda Rd. Station, sidewalk, pedestrian noses
Crime:
After a night of celebrating with friends and family for his birthday, Kane Johnson walked home drunk. His home happens to be right across from the St. Kilda Rd. Station - the largest police station in the state - and his incapacitated senses spotted the station as the perfect public bathroom. Not only did Kane pee on the police headquarters, he also did so in plain view of the surveillance cameras leaving no chance for acquittal. Oh, and he was also caught in the act by a policewoman. Safe to say the police station isn't a viable urinating place - professional athlete or not.
Punishment:
Kane suspended himself for one game and was fined $5,000 by the organization along with a face to face meeting with his teammates. Legally, Kane is facing a charge of public intoxication as well as "offensive behaviour".
Legal Advice Courtesy of Perry Mason: Normally I deal with issues such as murder, rape and kidnapping, but in my heart I know that public urination is an important and pressing matter in society. Fortunately for Mr. Johnson, he resides in Australia and Australians love urine. Urinating in public doesn't have the same consequences as it does here in the states. Pay the piper and stay away from that side of the house, Kane.
Tailgate Analysis:
I had a similar incident in college. Walking home drunk after a night in downtown Columbia, my friend was under the impression that the intersection of 9th and Elm outside Shakespeare's Pizza was an ideal spot for bodily relief. Boy was he wrong. Within seconds, a Columbia police officer spotted the crime in action and my buddy was later forced to get the charge lessened through legal means. Nobody wants to land on the sexual predator list. If Australian rules dictated such, Kane Johnson would need to get a lawyer to fix the charge to a lesser penalty. In the meantime for you prospective public relievers, stop choosing the police station.
Defendant:
Normally I deal with issues such as murder, rape and kidnapping, but in my heart I know that public urination is an important and pressing matter in society. Fortunately for Mr. Johnson, he resides in Australia and Australians love urine. Urinating in public doesn't have the same consequences as it does here in the states. Pay the piper and stay away from that side of the house, Kane. 
